As the year draws to a close I wanted to take some time to reflect on what 2018 has given me. It has been an interesting year and one that has seen me experience a world of change.
I started 2018 still living in London, working a job I enjoyed with people I truly loved, but in an industry that ultimately broke me over the years. I could talk about this subject at length, but to keep it brief I was hardly sleeping, living pay check to pay check and was completely exhausted. My body physically ached and managing to get to the end of the day without crying became harder and harder as time went on. At the time I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t cope, but I lived some of my darkest days at the beginning of 2018 and it soon became apparent that moving to Newcastle was a necessity for me rather than an option.
I will forever be grateful for my time in London though, as it gave me opportunities I thought I could only dream of. However knowing when to put yourself first, even against all the odds, is the most important thing I’ve learned this year.
Since moving back home in March I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. With the highs of being back with my closest friends and family, there has also been a lot of self doubt and wondering whether I did the right thing. But I don’t think that there is a “right” or “wrong” thing anymore. I think that this is just life and that you have to have a balance of good and bad, and of strengths and weaknesses. I’m learning to stop comparing myself to unrealistic timelines and to everyone else. I’m spending more time focusing on myself so I can figure out where I want to be. And for once I have no plans. No big ideas, no timelines or maps. I have freedom and the realisation that no matter what I end up doing, I’ll be ok.
2018 has honestly been such an important year for me and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. I’ve been able to start focusing on self development and investing in friendships and relationships. I’ve started a whole new career and been reminded that it’s not too late to start over. I’ve been able to travel and to finally get excited over music again. I’ve even picked my camera back up and been reminded of just how much I love to document things. And while I’ve had my fair share of losses, and upsetting family news this year, these are things I don’t want to dwell on anymore. I’ll be leaving a lot behind in 2018, but I’ll be coming away with the clearest sense of perspective that I could have hoped for.
So here’s to 2019. Wishing you a year full of happiness, good health and good people. As ever, be who you are, do what you love and fuck the rest x